Who your friends are tells you a lot about yourself.

I haven't updated this page since '97. Many of the people here I have not spoken to in years, some of them not since the time when I first made this page in '94 -- but how can I delete them from my list of friends? I've shared many memories and good times with everyone listed here. Maybe one day I'll update this list. Most of the links here don't work anyway; I'd recommend this list only to see funny quotes that my friends accidentally said.


A friend is one before whom you can think aloud.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Penn People

I wear cologne while sleeping just in case someone might come by seeking computer help.

Lu Wang, who also said, "My dad's not atheist; he's antagonist."

I was just accepted into a new A Cappella group here at Penn. I know what you're thinking: That's exactely what Penn needs! Another A Cappella group. Well, you are absolutely right.

The always-modest Veronica Lemcoff

Those are awefully big strawberries you have!

A strange man in dining to Jeanne Chang

o.m.d. = orchestral manuevers in the dark [sang if you leave] -- and incidentally, they have a greatest hits album (!). I can't imagine what else is on it...

Kieran Snyder who also said, "Everyone looked stupid in 7th grade."

fundamental existentialist observations: his consuming pico does not stop elm from collapsing upon itself. but the resolution is high, and balance is re-attained because netscape 2.0 supports java.

Alex Edelman

Motive: As the Acting Assistant Dean of Hill House, she [Tracy Feld] might be interested in collecting the large sum of insurance money from the "theft" of the van.

One of Mike LaMonaca's theories on who stole the Hill House Van

There is not anything yet on this page, but I am working on it. After all, I am a boring person... :-)

Edoardo Vignani says on his "all about me" web page.

I'm a Mad Political Scientist. I'm all Pi Lam. I'm also an eligible bachelor.

Mike Schleigh on himself

Vik Bajaj

Audrey Stein

I love making new friends, so please e-mail me.

Florence Dulla

Long-haired CSE man (who should be English major) with top-of-the-line hardware, seeks warm body to combat the machine.

Bo Daly's personal ad in El Nuevo Van Peltian

Charm oozes from this guy's pores...

Ilene Wong on me

It helps me think better.

Ben Wyche on that silly thing he always wears on his nose

On the train ride with me back to New York, Ben Goldberger whipped out his funky laptop computer - only to play Doom II! While Ben has abandoned Hill House, Paul Welfer, also from New York, has stayed on.

You need speech therapy.

Myra Lotto to me.

Aggresiveness is like using your penis as a jousting pole to drive into things.

Ali Zaidi


Dan Alig and Andrew Louw and all of Deez Nuutz

What do I do with the 509 e-mails that I've saved up over the course of the last year?

Ben Marcus after he and his girlfriend broke up.

Much of the countryside in northern Delaware is very pretty, in a sublime sort of way.

Lisa Sandell on sublime beauty (which, according to me, is the only sort of beauty).

Things my roomates do that are annoying...

From Hilary Dove's Web page.

He has an uncanny ability to meet a girl and become her "friend" within the first five minutes.

Matt Dworkin on why a friend of his has never been able to date anyone.

Morgan Friedman, a curly-haired trickster who pretends his name is Steve just to emasculate me.

Steven Spallone on me. He also said, "Never, imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might have been was not otherwise than what You had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."

Dad, if you find the tie you don't have to call me back and let me know.

Jeremy Eckhause to his father after he called him at midnight at a friend's house.

Joao Sedoc, and Laura Kornstein: quotes coming soon!

The big orgy-fest is over by Houston Hall. That's where they're all banging each other left and right.

Josh Cutler on squirrels

If I don't take my own advice, at least you should.

Ariel Blumenthal

Alexis Mitchell's mother has devised the most neato naming method. Like me, Alexis also loves art; we went to the MET, but unfortunately I didn't see anything by my favorite artist, M. C. Escher.

Am I to infer that this means I *won't* be getting a hug from you any time soon?

Tom Kretchmar to Paul Lukasiak

Jeanne Chang One of the nicest people you'll meet at Penn.

Paul Chow, unwittingly revealing how little he knows about Jeanne...

My mother said that when I was a kid I smeared Vaseline all over my body, and it was so hard to get off. She and my grandmother gave me several baths, and it still wouldn't come off. Then I think one time I squirted a whole bottle of toothpaste all over the sink...wait...that wasn't me...that was Ramona Quimby in the Beverly Cleary books. Whoops!

Adrienne Yee

People yearning to get away from the monotony of love in our society are breaking the mold and falling in love in cyberspace, making love new for themselves.

Karen Pasternack

hello, who are these weirdos who stalk little girls?

Randi Rothberg on a random e-mailer who asked her out.

High School People

We all went to Great Neck South High School together

On his Alma Mater Columbia: "[it] feels less like an elite place and more like an asylum."

Scott Dubler

The Big Red Band is proud to welcome our guests from the eighth best institution in the Ivy League, the only school that could so disgrace the good letter "C": Columbia University. (That's Columbia with a "u," by the way, although it's sometimes hard to tell which one is the bigger drug haven.)

Berniebaum (not a student at Columbia), the announcer (and half-time speech writer) for the Cornell University Marching Band

It's da bomb!

Mike Abbey

Ok, I dreamt that you wrote a book called "ME" and it was a new hardcover on the bestseller list... you made a CD of just "songs i like" and you were becoming this total ICON!

Annie Ruisi

Steve Gee is the man.

I'm officially majoring in ?. A popular but not very well-respected major.

Laura, the proud Yalie

I'm not sure whether to list Jason Street under the Penn or the High School category, but I'll put him here for now.

The Latino Crowd


Amo a la humanidad, lo que me revienta es la gente.


Faculty Friends

I'm guessing you haven't worked through the personal info page closely enough to understand that I regard all you sissy easterners as bubble gum sticking to my shoe, yes?

Jim O'Donnell to me, after I made fun of his Doughbelly Price Web page. He also said of a lecture we both attended, "Typical Po-Mo scholarship: lots of pretty pictures but no argument."

So, how's it feel to be a superstar? Babes beating down your door?

Jack Lynch after the DP feature on me.

[Pearl Buck's] tendency to rely on formulas and stock phrases, her preference for narrative surface over psychological depth, her use of episodic plots...

Peter Conn, on Pearl Buck's writing style.

Go see my friend Mark Lloyd.

Dr Lucid's remark that go me started on my Archives project.

I have my ways. Telepathy is one.

Al Filreis on how he lets students know what he thinks they should do.

Please enjoy something classically French for us, like some good bread and coffee pour le petit dejeuner.

Susan Albertine's advice for me in France.

Internet People

Amy Poettinger and I corresponded after I discovered her page. Why does everyone at Carnegie Mellon seem to have a homepage? And not the same generic one that everyone at Penn seems to have.

I don't know where to put Jennifer Estaris or Myra Lotto (my flame war buddy in English 125) for this same reason.

Rachel Shirley is my West Coast connexion.

International - Misc

John Immel

Alexandre is my French connection; he's a close Parisian friend whom i have visited a bunch of times. He's a visionary with a funny French accent. Alex has declared me to be "Le roi du HTML".

I link therefore I am...

Grace Chung

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