This list was originally compiled by Dennis Cheung. If you have any other Dr Mogul quotes you would like to add, contact me. Some of these quotes are actually paraphrases. "If you want perfection, go seek God."
Quick Jump: Philosophy, War, Family, Physics, Test Quotes, Misc.

PHILosophy

• If you want instant gratification, go suck a lollipop!
• Future gas pumpers of America
• There are no pockets in a coffin.
• Life is like a sewer: All the garbage floats to the top.
• Jack Daniels and ginger ale solve most problems.
• You've never seen me beat anyone up. Right?
• You know what we should do [instead of the Death Penalty]? Hang them up and let people hit them with sticks. That's justice.
• I'll break your knees!
• I have no need to use 4 letter words.
• "Mathematics is the language with which God has written the universe." --Galileo Galilei
• (After falling off of his chair: "SH*T!!! Oh...excuse my French.")
• Men mature slower than women. Mentally and physically.

• On passing a female driver:

  Yup, a woman

• New Year's Wish: "May you never have to bury a child."
• Think about getting rich:
  friendships are priceless,
  time is invaluable, health
  is wealth, and love is a
  treasure. Have a nest egg
  of beautiful memories that
  you can dip into from time
  to time to ease any sorrows.
  Have the kind of remembrances
  that raise you up with their
  worth and keep you there
  with their wonder. And have
  a secret supply of hopes on
  hand to help you plan
  your tomorrows.
  

War & Politics

• Killing is like slicing meat; it get's easier every time
• I can make a bomb out of anything. That's what the government trained me to do!
• I was a demolitions expert [in Vietnam].
• I was a nuclear weapons expert [in Vietnam].
• [The Unabomber] is pretty good.
• So I waited until they started crossing the bridge. Then I blew it up.

Family Values

• I don't know if what I did was right. I paid both my sons' tuition so they wouldn't have to pay anything.

• Mogul:

  "I got married when I was 27. My wife was 22."

  To Mr. Soviero, whose wife is 2 years younger:

  "Robbing the cradle, eh?"

• I never hit my children
• So I took my two sons by the hair and bashed their heads together.
• So I sent my son to a kibutz in Israel.
• My children have every right to do exactly what I tell them.
• On women: "give her a little bit of wine" (accompanied by large hand gestures).

Physics & School

• You see, radar guns use vectors. So, using physics, I proved that I could've been going under or over the speed limit.

• Student:

  "I don't understand. Why?"

  Mogul:

  "WHAT'S YOUR NAME? WHY?"

• On a problem he couldn't solve which he wrote:

  What the Hell were they thinking when they wrote this problem?

• WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I CAN'T TEACH YOU MATH...Oh. I see. There's a mistake there.
• The Fadoodle Factor! Right!!!
• 30 WHAT??? Gazooeys???
• 25 WHAT??? Ohmez-vous's???
• It's THE Coefficient!
• It gots to be REAL! IT GOTS TO BE REAL! IF IT AIN'T REAL, IT AIN'T PHYSICS!!!

• The unintended result of a long math problem:

  5=5

• There is no such thing as a fair test. Tests are used primarily as a fear factor to make students study.
• I don't trust calculators.

Quotes from Mogul Exams

• The only rose without a thorn is friendship
• While a nation may advocate freedom, no person is free if they possess a habit that he/she can not control.
• It would be better if people entered politics to do good rather than to do well.
• Nature gives everybody five senses. The other two -- horse and common -- you must acquire.
• Rudeness is a inept person's imitation of strength.
• The greatest part of learning and inspiration is perspiration.
• Speak only well of people and you need never whisper.

• I keep six honest serving-men
  [They taught me all I know];
  Their names are What and Why and When
  And How and Where and Who
  [Origin unknown]

• It is better to listen to a wise man's reproof than to listen to the praise of fools.

  Koheleth

• Many a false step is made by standing still.
• It is better to listen to a wise man's reproof than to listen to the praise of fools.
• The most beautiful thing one can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
  Albert Einstein

Miscellaneous

• Uncle Philzie's here!!
• Hey, skinny!

• To a female student who walked into class 5 minutes late]

  Was he good?
• Next time we meet, bring tape so I can tape your mouths up.
• I made some pretty good investments during the '80s
• Look. Here's how to launder money. Ok? Go to Mexico and buy apartment houses...
• Cable [TV] leaks like a sieve. Building something to receive it is easy. But make sure you include a FM trap.
• Uggh. I'm taking so many [medical] drugs, I feel like a drug store.
• If you do that, I'll cut off your head in one single stroke. You'd be kosher!!

• On ninth graders:

  Hormones on legs

• I have one of those NordicTraks at home.
• You have to stop me from becoming a recluse.
• On the Choir teacher: If I were running the school, she would be destroyed.
• Lew [Lewis E. Love, Department Head] came in and stopped me from hurting him more.
• I'm going to retire at the end of this year.
• I'm going to retire in the middle of next year.
• I'm going to retire after next year.
• DON'T LAUGH! I'M SERIOUS!

Dr. Mogul made one comment which will stick in my mind forever. When I got deferred from Harvard, he said, "Dan, let that be the worst thing that ever happens to you." It put everything in perspective.

Daniel Horwitz, dhorwitz@fas.harvard.edu

Don and Phil had a lasting impact on my life.

Roy G. Niederhoffer, rgn@usa.pipeline.com

Dennis Cheung's College Application Essay (on Dr Mogul)

Dennis Cheung, dtc@nyiq.net

Got something to add? Let me know.